If Only
by LucyFitzgerald77
Summary: My version of what happens after "the kiss."
1. Chapter 1

Nick walked across the room and sat on his bed. He had just kissed Jess. Jess. His best friend. The girl he made fun of all the time. The girl he could tell anything to. The most beautiful girl he knew. He didn't know what had come over him.

He had felt like such an idiot earlier when Jess insisted on them kissing and he fumbled up his words. He had been fighting these feelings for so long...trying to deny he didn't actually love her. But she was all he thought about. But how could he possibly tell her? She would probably shoot him down. And she was with Sam. And he was Nick. Nothing good ever happened to him. He didn't deserve somebody as amazing as Jess. But Sam's comment earlier and Jess's beautiful smile was the last straw.

He had decided to just go for it. He had expected a numerous amount of things that could happen: Jess slapping him, pulling away, screaming, or possibly a combination of all three. But to his surprise she kissed him back; just as passionately. Did this mean she felt the same way? He had no idea and the shocked look on her face brought doubts to his mind.

Perhaps she had just got caught up in the moment.  
Perhaps nothing romantic would ever happen to them again. Or perhaps this was just some crazy dream he would wake up from tomorrow and then nothing would ever would happen. He could only hope that wasn't the case.


	2. Chapter 2

Thanks for the reviews :) I can't even begin to say how excited the "Cooler" episode made me. And not just the kiss, the whole Nick tripping up his words thing was pretty darn awesome too. On a scale of 1-10, that show WAS a 6 or 7 for me, but after that episode it elevated to a 12! Two friends falling in love/dating is my absolute favorite theme.

"Nick's kiss was like a dream!" Jess thought, still in a trance. She stared into space, thinking. Sam came over and wrapped his arms around her and started delicately kissing her neck. Jess lightly pushed him away. "I'm tired, let's just go to sleep," she said.

They went to bed but only Sam fell asleep. Jess couldn't sleep. She thought about how incredible the kiss had been, how soft yet powerful his lips had felt on hers, how tightly he had held her, almost as though he never, ever wanted to let go. He obviously had feelings for her because that had been no simple, innocent kiss. How long had he felt this way about her? She had always thought he was cute and funny. But potential boyfriend material?  
Sure they had joked about it before. He had even told her he felt like the "boyfriend without benefits." But she never really had read into it. She had only considered him a friend. Until now. She had kissed him back for a reason.

She got out of bed to get a drink of water. On her way to the kitchen, she saw Nick sitting on the couch. Not sleeping, or watching TV, or using his laptop. Just sitting quietly. He looked up at Jess and smiled softly. "Nick," Jess whispered.


	3. Chapter 3

This chapter is longer...yay! I hope to write some more over the weekend. I'm a full-time student and have lots of studying to do but I'll do my best. Thanks again for the comments!

"Hey," said Nick as Jess sat down on the couch next to him. He didn't think they would have to talk about it this soon. He thought tomorrow would be an awkward morning and they would both go their separate ways and maybe not even talk about it at all and just let it go. What was he even going to say? That he had been in love with her practically as long as he had known her? Her response to that probably wouldn't be very positive. So he just sat and remained quiet.

"Nick," Jess started, "you kissed me."

"Yeah, I did," Nick awkwardly responded.

"Why?" she asked, looking up at him with her big, blue eyes and a slight smile on her lips.

"Jess, you, I don't know, you captivate me. I have no idea why I feel the way I do. I can't explain it. But I've felt like this for a long time," he stood up, "I know you must think I'm crazy. Crazy because I can be such a jerk. I promise I'm not though, I've said all that crap because I didn't want you to know how I felt. I didn't want to wreck what we have because it would probably kill me. But earlier, I just couldn't take it any longer and kissing you just felt like the right thing to do, so I did it." He sat back down.

"I had no idea Nick, none. I mean, I've kind of liked you too but I didn't really think into it because I thought you just wanted to be my friend," she replied, gently touching his arm.

"Yeah," he smiled wanly, "I guess I did a pretty good job covering it up, until tonight."

"So what does this mean?" she asked.

"I don't know," he sighed, "you're with the doctor guy, I don't want to mess that up."

"Sam is cool but I can't talk to him like I talk to you. And he's never kissed me like you did," she smiled.

"So you liked the kiss?" he joked.

"Yeah, it was pretty freaking amazing," she replied, "I had no idea you could kiss like that Miller."

"Lots of practice," he grinned and gently tucked a lock of her hair behind her ear.

"I guess I need to break up with Sam," she stated.

"Look Jess, I don't want you dumping that guy just for someone like me. I know you like him and I don't want you to do something you'll regret," Nick said, standing up again.

"Someone like you? Nick, you're an amazing guy. I've never had someone that has made me laugh as much as you. Or someone that listens to me like you do. You wanted the benefits and now I want to give them to you," she stood up too and wrapped her arms around his neck. He gently kissed her on the forehead.

"Just think about it before you do it, I don't need a response right now. Just be sure," he told her. He wanted Jess to completely make this decision on her own and not feel pressured by what he wanted. He wanted her to want him because she cared for him too, not just because he cared for her.

"Okay Nick," she replied, "I won't keep you hanging for too long though. And I don't want to keep cheating on Sam. He's a good guy."

Nick put his hands on her face and gently pulled her toward him and kissed her softly on the lips.

"Good night Jess," he said and then suddenly turned around when the floor creaked.

Sam was standing behind them with his mouth hanging open.


	4. Chapter 4

FYI: By the next chapter I'll probably have changed my username. I used to write Lizzie McGuire fanfics when I was in high school and I'm 24 now (WHAT?!) so I thought a name change would be good.

"What is this?" Sam demanded, "Nick is your roomate! I'm your boyfriend!"

"What are you doing in here?" Jess awkwardly asked.

"Well, I noticed you weren't in the bed with me so I came out to check on you to see if you were okay. It looks like you are," he said bitterly.

"This is not what it looks like! I mean, it kind of is, but it like, just happened and I was going to tell you and you weren't supposed to find out like this!" Jess rambled.

"Too late! Sam walked over to Nick, "I liked you man!"

"Look, things just happened. You are Jess's boyfriend and I'm only getting in the way of things. I'm confused. She's confused," Nick tried to explain.

"I'm confused," Jess nodded her head.

"I'm not! Jess you cheated on me. We're over. I don't give a crap what happens between you guys!" Sam yelled.

Schmidt walked into the room.  
"What in the world is going on? I am trying to get my beauty sleep which is very important to me and this noise is preventing that," he complained.

"I'm out of here!" Sam stormed out of the room.

Jess started sobbing and Nick came over to her and wrapped his arms around her.  
"Nick," she sobbed, "I didn't want to do that to him like that! He hates me! I hate myself!"

"I'm sorry Jess," he said while stroking her hair, "it's all my fault. I should have just kept my feelings to myself. I should never have kissed you. I'm a big screw up."

"YOU KISSED JESS?" asked Schmidt, "now you've messed up everything. Life isn't going to be the same anymore. You've ruined the loft vibe I have tried so hard to keep."

Nick let go of Jess. "I know! Everything I do sucks. I'm all mistakes and nothing good ever happens to me. I knew I was crazy for kissing Jess. I knew I shouldn't have done it."

Jess put her hands on her hips. "No Nick! You did the right thing. I'm always telling you, telling everyone, that you should let out your feelings. Don't keep them to yourself. You're not a screw up. I'm glad you kissed me! I'm glad you finally let me know how you felt!"

"Oh my god. I've heard enough! I'm going back to bed. Maybe this crazyness will be over in the morning," Schmidt turned around and left the room.

"Jess, I don't deserve someone like you. Heck, I don't think I even deserve anyone, period. But if you're willing to put up with me and all the jerk-like things I do, then yeah, maybe this will work," Nick said as he sat back down.

Jess sat down too. "I've put up with your crap for this long Miller, I'm pretty sure I can still do it. My patience tolerance is pretty high."

"I'd say it's ok," Nick laughed, "you do get pretty frustrated sometimes."

Jess shrugged. "Well then I wouldn't be me, right?"

"No. Don't ever change Jess. Even if this doesn't work out, don't ever change. You're the coolest person I know," Nick put his hand over Jess's.

"You're pretty cool yourself," she gave him a quick peck on the lips. He pulled her closer and continued the kiss, drawing it out for several seconds. They gently pulled away.

Nick laid down and Jess cuddled next to him. Her eyes quickly closed but Nick reflected on everything that had just happened. It had been the best night of his entire life. He had kissed Jess. Multiple times. She broke up with Sam, even though it wasn't exactly the best breakup in the world. It still didn't seem real. How could he get so lucky? How could things actually be going right in his life? 


	5. Chapter 5

Watching the preview clips for 2X16 slightly bummed me out because it looks like they're going to drag out the whole Nick and Jess thing.  
I can't say I'm surprised though. I'm all for the sap and just freakin ready for those two to be together! So luckily there's fan fiction. Oh yeah, I changed the rating to T because things are about to get steamier. I'm not going all "50 Shades" or anything but let me know if you think at some point it should have an M rating. I'm pretty sure I won't have to do that though haha. Also, the two girls Winston and Schmidt slept with...let's just forget about them for now. I'm trying to just focus on Nick/Jess.

Jess woke up to the sound of soft snoring. "That's funny," she thought, "Sam doesn't snore at all." She opened her eyes and looked around and realized she was in the living room. On the couch. With Nick. He looked so cute sleeping-so peaceful. Jess had never really seen him sleep before. Last night had been so great yet so confusing. Sam was officially gone and out of her life for good. It sort of made her sad,  
he wasn't a bad guy and quite frankly he deserved to be treated better. But he had pretty much just been a sex buddy. She had never really been able to have a strong relationship with him, but she had always had a decent relationship with Nick. He had always been there for her.  
It did seem weird to think of him as a boyfriend though. But in retrospect, that's pretty much what he had been this whole time. Just without the sex. She had never been with a guy that could be both. Kissing him had been pretty amazing, she couldn't imagine what sleeping with him would be like. He seemed like the type of guy that actually would be attentive of her needs. She could just imagine it now-him kissing her deeply,  
lightly running his hand over her chest, her gently unbuttoning his... Her thoughts were cut off abruptly when he woke up.

"Mornin' Jess," he said sleepily.

"Hey you," she said and kissed him on the cheek.

They both heard footsteps and turned around to see Schmidt walking into the room. "You've ruined the couch! Intercourse between roomates performed on this couch officially makes it unsittable," he proclaimed.

Nick stood up. "We didn't sleep together Schmidt, we just fell asleep together."

"Oh well that's just SO much better," Schmidt rolled his eyes and walked to the kitchen.

Nick headed to the kitchen as well and Jess headed to the bathroom. She washed her face and ran her hands through her hair trying to get rid of the bedhead look. She looked at herself in the mirror and touched her lips, reflecting on last night. Was she Nick's girlfriend now? Or was everything still kind of confusing and undefined? Wouldn't things change a lot if they were together? And what if it didn't work out? Could she stand to possibly lose Nick as a friend? She knew they would have to have a talk. And soon. She walked out of the bathroom and went to her bedroom to get dressed for work. As much as she wanted to figure all of this out, work came first.

"Look, Schmidt," Nick started, "You really need to chill out over me and Jess. This is something I think we've both wanted for a long time."

"A long time? I'm hurt. Simply hurt that you would not confide in your BEST friend these "feelings" you've had," Schmidt complained.

"What feelings?" Winston asked as he walked into the kitchen.

Before Nick could answer Schmidt jumped in: "Everything is ruined Winston. Everything I have tried so hard to create. If you move out, I wouldn't blame you one bit. In fact, I'm thinking about it myself."

"What? Nick man, what is going on?" Winston asked, completely confused.

Nick still didn't get a chance. "He has violated the loft rules!" Schmidt yelled.

"Rules? Are you kidding me? There are no "rules" that say one of us can't date each other!" Nick yelled back.

"You and Schmidt? I know Schmidt always seemed a little fruity but Nick, I thought you were as straight as they get man!" Winston shouted.

"You idiot!" Nick admonished, "ME AND JESS! WE got together! We kissed!"

"I knew it!" Winston announced.

"No you didn't! You just thought me and Schmidt hooked up! How stupid are you?" Nick asked.

"No! I mean I knew you liked her! I knew there was something going on between both of you guys," explained Winston.

"I've lost my powers. How could you Winston, of all people, have figured this out before me?" Schmidt grumbled.

"The sexual tention between those two radiated like sharks toward blood," said Winston.

Nick shoved the rest of his bagel into his mouth and got up. "That's it. This conversation is getting weirder and weirder."

He decided to check in on Jess since she hadn't eaten breakfast yet. He knocked on her door.

"Come in!" she said.

Nick walked in to Jess applying some mascara.

"So Winston and Schmidt are both crazy," he started.

Jess turned around the mirror to face him. "what about us Nick? Are we crazy? Are we doing the right thing?"

The more reviews I get, the sooner another chapter goes up!


	6. Chapter 6

Alrighty...I tried to get kind of smutty but I realize I didn't get very far with it. I have to be honest, it's kind of weird for me to write like that. But I did make an attempt so you guys have to give me credit for that. Also, this chapter is a little rough but I promise the next one will be better!

"Honestly, I don't know Jess," Nick started, "I'd like to think that us, together, would never end, but I'm not a fortune teller.  
I don't always make the best choices in life. I would never try to intentionally hurt you."

"So it's not weird to you that we've been friends, really. good. friends. for so long and suddenly we're dating?" Jess asked.

"I guess the easiest way to explain it to you is like this: like whenever I've dated someone, no matter how much I like them or whatever, I still end up telling YOU everything I feel and stuff, like stuff I could never tell a girlfriend or even like Schmidt or Winston. And I look at it like one day, you might get married to some guy and even though you might want to be friends with me, you won't be able to keep up a close friendship because you'll be married. He'll be the guy you tell everything to. And I hate thinking about that happening someday," Nick explained as he gently stroked Jess's hand.

"So basically you want to marry me?" Jess was starting to freak out.

"No, no!" Nick exclaimed, "I mean, maybe someday or whatever, but not now! I guess I just feel like our friendship isn't enough. We have a stronger bond than that. I don't think me feeling this way for you would ever be fair to another woman."

Jess didn't know what to say. Nick was madly in love with her. She wasn't sure if she was at that level but she knew their relationship was definitely beyond just friends. The thought of Nick with someone else was an agonizing thought. She looked into his eyes and he tilted her chin up towards his face and kissed her, softly at first, but quickly intensified. He gently pushed her down onto the bed and only stopped kissing her briefly enough to slowly peel off her shirt. Jess moaned as he caressed her breast and she pulled his shirt over his head.

"I've gotta go to work," she mumbled.

"Be late," Nick said as he slipped one of his hands under her bra and expertly unhooked it with the other hand. She unbuttoned and unzipped his pants and pulled them down. He yanked off her skirt in one swift motion.

They were both completely out of breath when it was all over. Jess couldn't help but think that this had been ten times better than what she imagined it would be and one hundred times better than any other guy she had slept with. But she also couldn't believe she had just had sex with Nick. And that he was good. REALLY good.

Nick stood up and put his pants back on. "Jess, I hope you believe me when I say this, but I have never, ever had sex before that was that incredible."

"Me either," she smiled, still laying on the bed. Even though she enjoyed every minute of it, she suddenly felt really shy. She felt like Nick now knew EVERYTHING about her. There were no secrets between them anymore. And that feeling was pretty overwhelming. Overwhelming but in a good way. Almost as though things in her life were more complete.


	7. Chapter 7

I've been kind of busy with school so that's why it took me a few days to get this up. Last night's episode...epic! I'm realllllly tempted to write a fan fic about it too.

Jess had three classes to teach that day and she had to cancel the first one. During the two classes she actually did teach, she only gave out writing assignments so all she had to do was sit back and sort of observe and not actually give a lecture. The only thing on her mind was Nick.

Nick had never been in such a good mood to be at work then he was that evening. The bar was no longer dark and typical looking but instead was colorful and cheerful. He mixed drinks with gusto and didn't have a care in the world as to the hot girl who hit on him multiple times.  
Life was positively grand.

"So, Sam and I broke up," Jess began as thse and CeCe sat across from each other at a table in Starbucks.

"Why? I thought things were finally good with you guys," CeCe asked.

"I cheated on him," Jess looked down and took a long sip of her caramel macchiato.

"WHAT?" CeCe exclaimed, "With who? When? How?"

"The cheating happened last night," Jess answered.

"Oh my god! I saw you last night! Did you meet with some guy somewhere after I left?"

"No."

"Oh my god, it was Nick wasn't it?"

"Maybe."

"You cheated on Sam with Nick? Nick? Really?!"

"Yep."

"How did it happen?"

"We were talking and I said good night and all of a sudden he grabbed me and kissed me."

"Like just a peck or a real kiss?"

"An intense, passionate, time-stopping kiss. I kissed him back too."

"You kissed him back?"

"Yeah," Jess sighed, "It felt right. It was amazing."

"So you like him?" CeCe prodded.

"I think I'm falling in love with him!" Jess smiled.

"From one kiss? That's crazy!"

"Not just the kiss. Like, I've had these feelings for him for a long time. I've never had a guy care for me or listen to me or be there for me more than Nick. I've never had that with any guy I've ever dated. I've known Nick less than two years but I know him way better than I knew Spencer and I was with him for years and years."

"Did you tell Nick how you feel?"

"Yeah I did. We talked last night and then we kissed again and Sam walked in! Basically, that didn't go very well."

"So you and Nick are like, together now?"

"Yeah! Nick is my BOYFRIEND!" Jess giggled.

"This is so weird," CeCe shook her head.


	8. Chapter 8

When Nick got back from the bar he expected the loft to be quiet; everyone in bed asleep. But when he walked in he could hear the TV on. Jess was watching "The Princess Bride".

"Hey Nick," she said after pausing the movie.

"I can't believe you're still up," Nick said and sat down next to her, draping a lazy arm on her shoulders.

"Yeah, well, I wanted to see you before I went to bed," Jess smiled shyly.

"Here I am," he planted a soft kiss on her forehead. "I'm tired as crap and I bet you are too."

"Maybe a little bit," she replied.

"Come on, let's go to bed," he stood up, took her hand, and helped her up.

They walked arm in arm to the bedroom doors. Jess broke away from Nick and started to go to her room.

"No. Sleep with me tonight babe," Nick urged her. He pulled her close to him and kissed her hard. Holding her tight, he walked backward with her into his room. Jess tugged at his belt and quickly undid it. He untied her robe and with a slight tug, it fell to the floor. The robe had been all she was wearing. Nick looked her up and down briefly and bit his lip. He practically shoved her on the bed and then pulled off his shirt and peeled off his pants. He moved his kisses down her neck, toward her chest. She moaned as his hand slightly grazed her thigh. It was just the two of them, in their own, perfect world. No one to tell them what to do, what not to do. Two people destined to be together who weren't afraid of taking chances. People who needed one another because the better part of themselves was a part of the other person.

~~~I know this was short and sadly, this is the end. I had fun writing this story but I feel like I kind of killed the vibe I was going for when I originally began it by putting them together so quickly. But no worries, I'm going to start working on another story...hoping it'll be up later today or maybe tomorrow.


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